Lose a Stone for Christmas - Pondering Sunday

Now I don't weigh in weekly, I know I've mentioned this. I'm not fluctuating heavily just that I don't expect my scales to go the way I want them any time soon, plus when they do I usually leave it until I then drop another lb and then log the higher, previous weight, paranoia, yes. I haven't gone up which is always a good thing especially after the week I've had. I do however like to ponder, with things slowly returning to normal I've become to realise how out of normal life I was and how harder certain things are and will be but this week I just want to talk about two things this week.

1. I can't look after myself
2. Fruit is addictive

Now this week has been a bit pants for me. I've made it through my two days at work but I have been feeling rubbish, really rubbish. My lady problems have been flaring up and seem to have developed permanent cramps. I used to always have mid cycle cramps which lasted a day or two but this week has just been a week of serious pain. I've had two hot water bottles on the go and one boyfriend setting up camp in the spare room so I could spread out and layer myself in the hot water bottles. James has kindly been sorting out these hot water bottles otherwise I would just stay in bed swearing with the pain but not doing anything about it. 

Add to that this horrible lurgy that has been going around has caught up with me, two weeks in the outside world and I have outsider germs. I don't feel too bad though, a bit of a zinc deficiency, muscular pain and that flu-head confusion feeling but no obvious signs apart from a bad stomach and that icky nauseous feeling - both I also get on my pain meds so this time I've had a double dose. I have a problem feeding myself when I feel like crap, I've done okay this week but I really had to push myself and it did lead to easy/junk options. The problem is when you feel ill you just don't want anything so you avoid, avoid, avoid then suddenly you feel a bit better but also feel ravenous so you grab the first snack that comes to hand. The "bad" snacks are always the closest ones to your hand. I think they must slowly creep closer in the night when everyone is asleep.

Now a little bit here and there is fine, I stuck to my limits so there isn't a problem there. My issue is I should have eaten better than normal. I was ill, I needed nutrients but I just couldn't be bothered. It's easy to look back and see what went wrong, I can say I should have done it better but feeling like I did I doubt I could have, at 31 I still need to be looked after. 

Now I don't know whether this is just me, I'm sure it can't be but I find fruit very addictive. Now I know fruit can be carb heavy/full of sugars, not totally bad but eat a 100 bananas and you aren't going to lose weight. I love fruit (and veg!) but some days I don't think about eating any, very rare but it does happen, I don't notice or care but most days I do eat a lot. My current addiction happens to be the mini easy peelers from Waitrose, I didn't even check out what weird combination they are but I'm addicted. I actually get a buzz (from all the sugars?!) and eat more and more. Fortunately although they are easy peel they still take time otherwise I'd be eating a dozen a sitting. Am I the only one to crave fruit so much?

Winter is also strange for me, I never get bored of salad but I do eat it less. I love a good salad, I don't just mean a few lettuce leaves and a bit of cucumber but a full spectacular salad meal. As I'm typing this in the cold I'm starting to think interesting additions to turn a summer salad into a winter one. I think there must be something and right now I could really do with some new meals to add to the collection. I'm thinking warm mushroom and balsamic salad. Time to put the thinking cap on. 

Back to how I did last week. I've mentioned my eating habit but not my exercise. Now I had surgery back in June on my kidney, I had the remainder of a thankfully benign tumour removed along with part of my kidney. I am miles better than how I was but I'm still taking things slowly with a hint of pushing. I can't go hardcore like I did after my embolisation in 2011, instead I have to test the waters. I successfully did yoga last Sunday, I did a tiny bit on Monday too but concentrated mainly on stretches. I have to admit to feeling slightly ropey though, it just hurts a little bit to stretch my torso and for the time being I'm going to stick to light stretching and as much walking as I can manage as my priority is to stop taking the pain killers. At the moment I can't envisage my normal routine but I also don't want to, right now I need to concentrate on what I'm able to do now which I couldn't do two months ago not what I can't do now that I could do twelve months ago.